


Fifty Shades Of Steve

by Marfacat



Series: Starscream But In Really Weird Scenarios [7]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: AU, Absolutely not canon compliant, Crack, God why, I have so many WIPs and yet., M/M, Many AUs, rating will probably change in later chapters, this is going to be crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marfacat/pseuds/Marfacat
Summary: A bunch of different Steves seduce Starscream in a bunch of different ways.
Relationships: Starscream/Steve the Eradicon
Series: Starscream But In Really Weird Scenarios [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524788
Comments: 27
Kudos: 75





	1. Country Steve (Feat. Fake Horse Girl Starscream)

**Author's Note:**

> Steve has exactly one universally agreed upon personality trait: he likes Starscream. The rest of his mind is free real estate, which I intend to metaphorically capitalize on. 
> 
> I have a list of Steves, and I'm going to attempt to write about all of them. No, it's not fifty, but it is plentiful. Don't expect all of them to make sense.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! Don't forget to leave comments or kudos if you enjoyed! :)

It was stupid. The entire affair was ludicrous.

"Be real gentle, now," the vehicon murmured, his accent smoothing and rounding his words into a drawl that contrasted against Starscream's own harsh, clipped manner of speech. "We don' want 'er gettin' startled."

Starscream glanced nervously to Steve, then back at the zaphorse in front of him. They were more imposing than pictures would have one believe. The beast huffed steam from its vents and pawed at the rusty ground, the odd coils of cabling at its rear end curling and arcing with bolts of electric charge. 

He very much did not want to be within 'zapping' distance of the thing, yet there he was. And for what? 

"Here," Steve said after a tense moment. Starscream's vents stalled as the vehicon gently took his servo and pressed it against the zaphorse's elongated olfactory sensor. The beast's visor dimmed. "She's gettin' a read on ya, memorizin' your chemical signature."

Starscream grimaced and suppressed a shudder, but Steve's presence at his side was something of a steady comfort. The seeker cycled a deep vent, chemoreceptors detecting iron and coagulated oil and the cheap brand of lubricant that Steve used to grease his joints.

Ah, yes-  _ this _ was why he kept returning to the rusty, grimy wasteland infested with weaponized mechanimals and ridiculous simpletons blithering on about the 'ecological importance' of said weaponized mechanimals: one unwashed nobody. 

The unwashed nobody chuckled as the zaphorse chuffed and nuzzled into Starscream's servo.

"I think she likes you," he said warmly. 

There was not a trace of insincerity to be found in his demeanor. It was... Admittedly, rather refreshing. 

"Ah," Starscream replied articulately. 

"Y'know, they can sense your moods better than people," Steve continued, stroking the side of the creature's head. "You must be feelin' pretty fond a' her." 

Starscream watched Steve, in all his unfettered, genuine affection for the world around him, and cracked a wry smile.

"Perhaps," he replied cryptically.


	2. Ambitious Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is terrible, and Starscream has entirely the wrong reaction to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!!! I'm back with more weird Steve content.
> 
> Warning: Violence, murder, blood.

  
Starscream stopped short as he heard a  _ thump _ behind one of the doors in the seldom-frequented storage level he had chosen to avoid Megatron in, followed by a grunt. Such noises were usually indicative of _certain_ _ physical activities  _ that had no business taking place outside one's quarters.

He stomped over to the door with a growl and smacked its control panel.

"What is the meaning of this _flagrant-?!"_ He stopped short and blinked, raising his optical ridges at the grisly scene before him. 

Rather than shocked or frightened, the drone appeared thoroughly embarrassed to have been caught decaptitating one of his colleagues in a maintenance closet. The headless body crumped to the floor, oozing energon all over Starscream's pedes.

"Well, then," the seeker said intelligently. "This is certainly not what I expected to find in here."

The vehicon shrunk in on himself, claws digging into the still-leaking severed head he was clutching to his chestplate. His cooling fans were still whirring from exertion.

"Ah, Commander- I can explain?" He squeaked, visor dimming sheepishly. A spurt of energon gurgled out of the body's mangled neck. 

Starscream narrowed his optics, noticing a particular bit of kibble on its arm- a mod allowing for increased range on a vehicon's second-rate blasters. A mod that, due to its limited availability,  _ only _ drones of a certain status were permitted to have. 

"Wait a minute," he muttered incredulously, "did you just kill one of your  superiors?!" 

The drone's field was drenched in mortification.

"Um," he replied, tone more befitting of a newspark caught stealing rust sticks than the perpetrator of a murder and quite possibly some form of treason. "It was an accident?" 

He gazed pleadingly up at Starscream, splatters of his victim's energon dripping down his faceplate. It was all so, completely inappropriate.

Starscream couldn't help it- he burst into laughter.

"What- what could  _ possibly _ have motivated you to do _this?!"_ He wheezed, gesturing to the whole scene. The vehicon's visor dimmed.

"He just _needed to_ _ die," _ he muttered venemously, grip tightening on the severed head. "He was a stupid, incompetent piece of _scrap,_ and- what?"

Starscream's mouth had twisted oddly to suppress his mirth, but he quickly schooled his expression into something more professional.

"Are you trying to steal his position, then?" He asked. 

The vehicon glanced down at the body, and shrugged. 

"I guess," he replied. Starscream furrowed his optical ridges and studied him a moment.

"...Ambitious," he murmured. "I can respect that- a little determination never hurt anyone."

"Except for this guy," the vehicon blurted, shaking the severed head a little for emphasis.

Starscream snickered.

"I _like_ you," he decided. "Ordinarily, I would have killed you for this- but I... Understand your struggle, as it were."

The vehicon shifted his stance uncertainly.

"So... Does this mean I'm getting the promotion?" He asked. 

"Oh, _heavens_ no!" Starscream chuckled. "However,  I can offer you a position of  greater importance than some lowly squadron leader." 

The vehicon tilted his head.

"I'm listening," he said cautiously. Starscream smirked.

"I could always use an assistant. Someone to help manage a few _menial tasks_ so that I may focus on more  important  matters." He stepped out of the puddle of energon, curling his lip. "And to keep an eye on you- I'm sure you understand that this cannot become a regular occurrence!"

The vehicon dropped the head, which bounced off the floor with a  _ clang. _

_ "Really?" _ He squealed, then quickly composed himself. "I mean- I accept, Commander Starscream." 

Starscream smirked.

"Wonderful. What's your designation, trooper?"

The vehicon's visor sparkled.

"Steve," he said. Starscream quirked an optical ridge.

"If you say so," he muttered, then cleared his throat. "Well,  _ Steve,  _ your first assignment is to clean up this mess-" he gestured to the headless vehicon body, "-and contact me immediately afterwards. I trust you have my comm frequency?"

Steve nodded enthusiastically.

"Memorized like my own serial number!" He chirped. Starscream nodded, pretending he wasn't a bit unnerved (but flattered) by that admission.

"...Good," he said. "I have high expectations for you, Steve. Do not disappoint me." He turned on his heel and marched off. He had no real destination in mind, but he wanted to make a dramatic exit.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Commander!" Steve called after him. 

Starscream ignored him for the sake of showmanship, privately wondering if he was making a mistake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do more with these guys, idk. Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> Don't forget to leave comments or kudos if enjoyed!


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